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The Cup Of Coffee On The Nightstand
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| The Cup Of Coffee On The Nightstand |
| 01.23.04 (4:11 am) [edit] |
I cannot sleep.
It just dawned on me... I think I sleep at night, but I don't.
But since my mind is so messed up right now, it doesn't really matter what's real and what isn't.
You know... there's a fine line between sane and crazy.
And I almost think that I would prefer having a personality disorder or whatever it is I might have.
Borderline Personality Disorder.
That's what I think I have, and that's what my counselor probably agrees with me that I might have.
I think she's already called the shrink who could diagnonsense me.
And I'm sure the doctor would be happy to take me in.
I'm sure I'm an interesting case.
See, that's the problem with me.
I think I'm hot shit and stuff.. just because I am the way I am.
And who I am... I think everyone adores me or hates me.
I'm so extreme.
How do I know I'm fucked up you might ask?
I have noticed it, dear.
I go blank... I lose days... I'm manic, depressed, empty... I'm fucked up.
And that, sweetie, is not normal.
Why do I want to be diagnonsensed?
Because if I know what I have... I know how to relate to myself.
I'll know what kind of stuff is messed up with my brain and I can think; I feel like this because I am like this, i can shrug, let my emptyness play out and then go on with my lifeless life.
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